Shadow self

Last night I encountered my shadow self and it's pissed at me, how do I fix?

For the past month my health has taken a nose dive for no reason. Hypertension, rolling panic attacks, etc. I was pretty healthy prior and the doc thinks it's all in my head as tests show nothing and I have no history of anxiety problems.

I decided to have a little weed last night and was hit by a panic attack. I remembered that weed can have an adverse effect if you got some mental shit going on, so I decided to meditate on it, something I don't usually do.

I fell asleep at some point and started dreaming, getting chased by a shadow and it was pissed. Growling and yelling at me, talking about how I deserved nothing and that it was going to kill me. I then realized I was dreaming and took control and put both myself and the shadow in adjacent cells so we could talk it out.

It didn't talk much, but it was clear that it was the reason for my health problems and wasn't going to stop. It's beyond angry/ upset at me and I can't figure out why and it won't tell me, like I'm supposed to already be aware.

Any tips on making this dickhead talk or calm down at least? Getting sick of this shit. I was fine previously, life was going as well as it could be. I was content, happy and progressing in my life.

A damn has clearly burst in my head and I can't figure out where, when, what or why. How do I reconcile with my shadow?

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >Any tips on making this dickhead talk or calm down at least
    start being dick to people. people you know desereve it but you're afraid to be dick to

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Based. I love it when it's time to be the bad guy. It's my favorite part of the cycle.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Based. I love it when it's time to be the bad guy. It's my favorite part of the cycle.

      Interesting, I do have a history of being quick to anger and thought I've just grown out of it. Perhaps, I've just bottled it too hard?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Perhaps, don't be quick to anger- but don't discard it, instead. Savor the madness, bask in it. Hold it in until the right moment. Set people up for cold, hard, punishment. One thing i like to say is i move slowly, but violently. Give people rope, lots of it. Let them hang themselves. But, in the end, don't punk out. It will be more delicious. Careful following my advice, though.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          I've actually cut ties with a lot of friends in the past few years because of this kind of tactic. Once enough is enough I put my foot down and it always ends in disconnection because the other party refuses to see their actions as something that negatively impacts those around them and especially themselves. It hurts to watch this shit, yet alone be complicit, but as I get older I realize some people never change no matter how much you plead with them or try to help them.

          Perhaps I am angry and stricken with a kind of grief. Some of these people i've known since I was 12. Lifelong friendships gone because one of us refused to grow and mature.

          • 2 months ago
            Anonymous

            Correct. This is how you prove to yourself that it's not your fault. These people are parasites, holding you back. Less than a year ago i cut ties with two that i had known since childhood. These were clever vermin, but i am guided by powers greater than myself. The trick to sus out the most insidious parasites is to raise the stakes. Just light the forest on fire and keep feeding the flames. Let them think you're in distress. Keep letting the fire rise until their mask cracks from the heat. You will smoke them out, without exception.

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Unironically, play Celeste. You actually have to play it for it to work.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I am not usually a fan of such games, but I will check it out.

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    are you helping make the world a better place somehow? I've had shadow's upset with me for that.

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Complacency. It's always complacency. She doesn't like that.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    OP here. Just had another lucid dream.

    I was in a house full of organic food that was fresh and a lot people I've known. Over time people left and the food started to spoil. There was a person running around trying to keep the place clean and keep people interested in staying. They were panicking and frantic. So I went over to them to help them / calm them down. When I looked into their face, it was me. Shocked, I said "I'll help, just this once" and cleaned everything in an instant. Suddenly studio lights turned on and I was on a set and I was the frantic person, confused and alone. I left the room and found outside. It was a bustling city full of familiar faces but they were rushing to be somewhere. Like a nest of ants that had just been disturbed. I decided to get away, suddenly I was suffocating, my throat instantly dry. I ran to a hospital but they just said I'm faking it. I've lost control of the dream by this point and started trying to get away from it. I ran down a path, thinking to myself 'im asleep, it's a dream, I'm ok', but every step I took, I aged. From a young teen into an adult older then I am now, not super old though and I stopped while having a coughing fit. I knew I wanted out, then I appeared to myself and said, 'dont go, you are not ready yet'. But my body was struggling to wake back up already and I woke up semi paralyzed, only temporary since your body does that when you sleep.

    I think that's progress ? I think I am getting it now. I might have some hang ups on attachment / abandonment issues and moving on into uncharted territory. I finish my degree this year and with the disconnecting friendships recently. I think my brain / subconscious is trying to prepare / console me.

    Why so angry at me though? Was it because I was ignoring these things and because I opened up yesterday, it was more willing to talk today?

    Whew this is a wild ride and I've never experienced anything like this. Could it be time to talk to a psych or something?

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      Stagnation.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Like I'm afraid of it or I am caught in it?

        Because, I'm in my final year of uni. I've been skilling up this entire time.

        Though I guess the dream wasn't about work or anything, it was about my connection to people. That's a tough one to fix. Making new friends as an adult is hard and especially so if I have to move for work. I've also been in my birth town my whole life. Probs time to get out a bit more.

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >how do I fix?
    By fixing yourself (physical fitness, be kind e.t.c.), tapping into your emotions, journalling, meditating and coming into contact with it.

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