PLEASE, HELP ME. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND WHAT AM I. >recognized as a tulku by Tibetan Lamas aged 10,5 yo

PLEASE, HELP ME.
I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO AND WHAT AM I.
>recognized as a tulku by Tibetan Lamas aged 10,5 yo
>dismissed me after my root Guru died
>delusional, useless sperg who did nothing with the first half of his youth, out of touch
>drop out of college, do not tell anyone, start working at the golden arches to eventually move out
>suffer domestic abuse by depressed single mother since toddlerhood, never react, ever
>end up having a neurotic breakdown and beating her up
>living out of my only friend's favor the past 3 weeks
>his gf hates my guts, I'm supposed to leave by march 3rd
>cacophony keep telling me to go into a very dangerous path to fulfill my destiny
What the frick do I even do? How can I have any confirmation that my delusions are rooted on something?
Now that I'm unmedicated and free, I feel that monster creeping inside of me like a pack of eels
Help me, anons, please.

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >cacophony keep telling me to go into a very dangerous path
    you just need a new cacophony, here goes
    Find better reading material and better company
    get a job
    don't do drugs
    be nice to people. the weather is great today, even if its not, its a nice change from the boring nice weather we had yesterday.
    take your vengeance on the world by being better than it
    Very few of us are very significant except to the other also not-that-significant people around us, and that's actually great.
    It is a much kinder burden to not carry the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.
    Just your own kit

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >you just need a new cacophony, here goes
      I'm being literal, as in having auditory hallucinations.
      >get a job
      Read the greentext again, golden arches.
      >better texts
      I have a big list.
      >better company
      What method would one use to select "good" acquaintances?
      >be nice
      I will, thank you.
      >Just your own kit
      That's good, sound counsel.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        >Read the greentext again, golden arches.
        that's great for stability at the present moment, and you seem to have a good attitude, which you should maintain a good can-do high-self-quality kind of attitude everywhere you go. Its sounds lame, but quality people in this world glow like they have a halo. Be excellent at whatever work you do, the job isn't the investment, (You) are the investment.
        you'll want to learn a trade though. I recommend something in residential construction. Whether its an apprentice installing HVAC, roofing (why not?), rough carpentry, flooring, whatever. Once you're working on job sites, you'll end up learning a lot about different trades and working with different crews on different jobs potentially (this is why the investment in (You) and your own attitude is CRUCIAL, because jobs come and go, you are the permanent (for yourself) element.
        >What method would one use to select "good" acquaintances?
        The above advice will also will get you on better footing to handle this as well.
        Stay away from bad attitudes and grumblers, be aware of people that are carrying themselves well and that you learn good character and habits from. Work with them.
        As far as "hang out and do nothing but socialize" type acquaintances, those don't really last fren, common purpose is what keeps friends around.
        Also, keep your kit light. Renting is ideal because you can go to where opportunities are best for you, places are going to go through economic depressions, and we don't control that. Sometimes its best to just keep stacking and moving until it makes sense to stay put.

        • 2 months ago
          Anonymous

          Thank you, tyler.

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO
    You need to repent. Easy. Frick israelites and embrace Jesus and the Bible.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      I twice tried to confess, the local priest bailed me...

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        btw, anon, IF YOU DO go down the route of christianity, from someone in the know: completely disregard organized christianity and the bible, form a relationship with god entirely independent of those things, and try breaking down all preconceptions you have about what god is and its identity
        That will keep you on the right path no matter what

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    you need to find yourself anon, there's a war going inside you that only you can put an end to it, meditate , work on your core being, nourish your soul. all while start thinking in how to be coy to ensure your existence for the time being, start another job , go ask for social benefits, so you can find a place to be and do the above part, don't succumb to any bad thought and you will succeed anon godspeed

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The only destiny you have is the same as every other soul. To awaken to what you are. To find your true self.
    Anything else is just a story, and if someone's feeding you a story they're probably trying to control you.
    Everything you described is your ego self. Not your true self.

    >>end up having a neurotic breakdown and beating her up
    >I feel that monster creeping inside of me like a pack of eels
    My advice to you is realize that actions are emanations from ones soul. So where is your soul residing if such an action emanated from it?
    What power did you believe someone else held over you that made you feel a need to do that? It's not about morals, but about letting go of your own weaknesses. Violence almost always emanates from a place of weakness or lack.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      How to not be too egoic?
      How to not be weak, how to become a strong man? Brave, even.
      How to know myself?
      How to not dwell in any narrative written by others?

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        Well for starters you have a problem right here
        >How to not be weak, how to become a strong man? Brave, even.
        The version of strength you grew up with was actually weakness being sold to you as strength. The very concept of being "brave" means you're already a slave to something and all you can do is endure it.
        True strength means nothing can touch me in the first place, so there's no need for bravery nor muscles. You are not a "man". You're a soul observing the conscious patterns you associate with a "man".

        >How to not be too egoic?
        I wouldn't worry about this to be honest. The majority of advice you'll hear about dropping the ego actually leads to dropping your Self in the process.
        Like if you're suffering inside because you hate your job, "job" is the egos understanding, the pure suffering is the souls understanding. But most people will teach you that letting go of your ego means forcing yourself to pretend you aren't suffering inside because the "job is an illusion right? so what's there to suffer over? lol". But suffering is its own meaning, and it's coming from within regardless of how much one runs away from it.

        I would advise to just focus on knowing yourself. It applies at every level, big and small. Even little things like taking out the trash, how does it make you feel?
        If you say you don't like it most people will teach you that there's something wrong with you... They want you to ignore the truth of your self, of what comes from within. Those people are slaves.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >cacophony keep telling me to go into a very dangerous path to fulfill my destiny
    It probably warrants going back to Vajrayana to finish off that thread inside you.
    The tantric path, if it has been entered, will always lurk like a shadow.

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