i've been praying to jesus my whole life, but my prayers have never been answered.

i've been praying to jesus my whole life, but my prayers have never been answered. i think it's because i'm not praying correctly. about a month ago i came across a bible verse that really stood out to me.

>Psalm 150:4 - "Praise him with tambourine and dancing, praise him with the strings and pipe."

i'm interpreting this to mean that when praying, you should EITHER dance and play the tambourine OR play the strings and pipe. i'm not musically inclined, but anyone can play the tambourine. last week i purchased a tambourine from a local music shop, and since then i've been experimenting with different combinations of tambourine, dance, and spoken prayer. it goes something like this:

>JESUUUUS *bang bang* GIVE ME LOTS OF MONEEEEEEY *hop hop* *bang bang*
>JESUUUUS *bang bang* GIVE ME A QT GF *hop hop* *bang bang*

no prayers answered as of yet, but i've been systematically adjusting the number of hops and bangs as well as where in the prayer they occur. i've been keeping track of it on a spreadsheet so i don't accidentally repeat myself. it's only a matter of time before jesus gives me what i want.

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    lol
    to be serious though, why would you have to pray to an all-knowing entity who put you into this world, into the family/environment that he did when he did? he'd have known everything you needed before the world was made. it's nonsense but churchy so there it is.

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    you are like a little baby, watch this

    Go forth and give Glory to the Lord.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Your issue may not be the method of praying but intent. You seem to be treating your Lord not as a Lord you would humbly love and serve, but hope for some boons from but like a fricking ATM or sugar daddy. That's not how this works.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      how can you be sure, though? no one seems to know how prayer works. if people knew then everyone would have super powers.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >how can you be sure, though?
        Because the people who did pray and claimed to have something out of it, did it honestly and with pure hearts rather than expecting shit. It also makes the most sense - you contact some being, why do you think it'd care if all you do is just make demands of it?

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          how do you know if they actually got something out of it? what if whatever they got could have come to them through natural means? what if they're mistaken about their prayers being the cause?

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            God, God's, Nature, all in the same, same in all.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            what the frick does that mean

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            What the frick do you mean, what dies that mean? It means what it means, what it says. What else could it mean?

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Jesus teaches you how to pray:

    >“This is how you are to pray:
    >Our Father in heaven,
    >hallowed be your name,
    >your kingdom come,
    >your will be done,
    >on earth as in heaven.
    >Give us today our daily bread;
    >and forgive us our debts,
    >as we forgive our debtors;
    >and do not subject us to the final test,
    >but deliver us from the evil one.

    Matthew 6:9-13

    Also Jesus immediately gives the good thief absolution after this interaction:

    >"Have you no fear of God, for you are subject to the same condemnation?
    >And indeed, we have been condemned justly, for the sentence we received corresponds to our crimes, but this man has done nothing criminal.”
    >Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
    >He replied to him, “Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.”

    Luke 23:40-43

    Notice the deference to God in both cases

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Jesus was such a cool dude, I don't understand non-Christians who hate him. Regardless of how someone feels about organized religion if I see someone shit talk Jesus I automatically know this person is a shithead of the highest order.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        i kinda wanna shit talk about jesus cuz i've been dancing and banging this fricking tambourine for hours and he still hasn't done anything

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          In my experience begging for material shit that you don't need isn't the way to go. The most I feel I can ask for is health, safety and the healthy, safety and happiness of my family and friends. I don't even know if I should pray for happiness for myself when I should be finding that on my own. But then again health and safety would make me pretty happy.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >that you don't need
            bruh i fricking NEED money and i fricking NEED a gf. try learning something before you open your mouth next time

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Those things will come but if you want something too much and too badly the universe ain't never going to send it your way, man. You gotta act like you don't want it or it will never work out.

            It's like flirting with a woman. The more you act like you don't like her the more drawn she is to you.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            i'm not asking the universe moron i'm asking jesus

            jesus != the universe

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            You don't though. You've got access to the internet so you're certainly not dying on the side of the road with a lack of technology. And You don't NEED a girlfriend, what type of woman would want such a whiny person in the first place? You won't die because you can't have sex. Try removing yourself from the center of attention when you post about your hedonistic wants next time.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I FRICKING NEED A QT GF WITHOUT A QT GF I AM FRICKING NOTHING I WILL LITERALLY DIE WITHOUT A QT GF WHAT ABOUT THAT IS SO FRICKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOU ABSOLUTE moron

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          That's because you're acting like a moron. Do you have kids? Do you have pets? Imagine you loved your kids, you want the best for your kid, you want him to be rich and wealthy? So let's say you've got a $million, would you give it to your 10 year old? How about when he's 14 years old? Does he need the money? Will he bring a net positive to his mission on earth? Will it make him happy? Let's say your kid is now 18... is he still a spoilt shithead that will kill himself in a lambo or overdose on whatever? How about at 25-35? Is he still a man child because he rebelled against his father, learnt no manners and has zero respect for His father but is still demanding to be spoonfed? Where's your heart at anon? You cannot buy blessings. Perhaps you need wisdom, but with wisdom comes suffering and the realisation that materialism is an irrelevance to your life.

          Jesus was such a cool dude, I don't understand non-Christians who hate him. Regardless of how someone feels about organized religion if I see someone shit talk Jesus I automatically know this person is a shithead of the highest order.

          I agree anon. In fact, Jesus was against religion and religiosity - he never told people to attend megachurches and buy their pastors private jets, nor did he command people to worship his mother or some old man who wears the hat of dagon. Jesus is King, simple as. Jesus Christ is God Almighty. No man made religions (including atheists, "christianity" or any other system are a direct relationship with Jesus Christ almighty)

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >You cannot buy blessings
            i'm not offering money, you fricking moron. i'm offering my time and effort. and jesus has infinite power, therefore he can give out infinite riches at virtually no cost to him because for him it's all completely effortless. it's become clear to me that he wants to do this, but he refuses to because he's a real stickler for the rules. no one does the prayer ritual correctly so no riches are distributed.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I FRICKING NEED A QT GF WITHOUT A QT GF I AM FRICKING NOTHING I WILL LITERALLY DIE WITHOUT A QT GF WHAT ABOUT THAT IS SO FRICKING HARD TO UNDERSTAND YOU ABSOLUTE moron

            You are both brats and don't understand it. Your intentions aren't in the right place and you're not getting it. Read a bible, although nice bait 709, you got me. Cheers.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            i read the bible and it says you're a homosexual

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Not paranormal or spooky
    Frick off.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      people talk about religion here all the time, quit your b***hing

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Join him on the next episode

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Larp of the week

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    >i've been praying to jesus my whole life, but my prayers have never been answered.
    If one prays to the lord looking for their prayers to be answered than they are praying for the wrong reasons.

    Too pray to the lord is only to accept the way things will happen. Not to change what will happen. To pray to the lord is the same as Jesus did, to ask for forgiveness of self and for the faith to continue.

    To many ask the lord for what they want instead of praying to the lord for what we can do for the Lord.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Praying is just the law of attraction, aka natural law of the universe. We are made in God's image because we can manifest reality. Jesus spoke of faith like a mustard seed and you can move mountains, the kingdom of God is within you, etc. It's not about asking a sky daddy to give you candy, it's about relaxing your mind and focusing on something repetitively. You draw it, look at images, imagine yourself doing / having the thing, until you believe it's possible even though you're not sure how. Right now I'm working on manifesting a property with acreage so I can get out of the city. What's also important is that what you want is righteous (will be good for you and society). If what you want is selfish or damaging to society, your subconscious will block the energy and it won't manifest. For example, asking God for financial support so you can pursue your art hobby. Not gonna happen. Asking God for financial support so you can take care of your elderly mother in her end days. This is highly likely to be granted to you with proper focus.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >Praying is just the law of attraction
      Yes and no. Yes, LOA for Earthly things and no for "heavenly" things.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Sorry I don't know what "heavenly things" mean. I'm not a Christian, I just read the Bible and highly respect Christianity as a religion that is beneficial to societal cohesion. Perhaps "heavenly things" is working on bettering yourself, or becoming more like Jesus. I have noticed that Jesus' teachings closely resembles the Eightfold path of Buddhism, but this is not really on topic.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >Jesus. I have noticed that Jesus' teachings closely resembles the Eightfold path of Buddhism
          Excalty. All the same information given to all tribes of the land. However you mind accepts it, does it really matter the source? Why would it, unless to claim superiority?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      BULLSHIT
      you just wanna make me hop around and play my tambourine even harder

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    *bang bang* GIVE ME LOTS OF MONEEEEEEY *hop hop* *bang bang*
    *bang bang* GIVE ME A QT GF *hop hop* *bang bang*

  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You should deffinately try dancing.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      i AM dancing. i'm doing the hops. i go on my left foot, then my right, then the left, etc. that's dancing. look i'm just getting started with this. i'm aware that there's a wide variety of dance moves. i need time to test them all.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        You need the right groove ...

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          frick, i hadn't even thought about song selection...

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Aye! For even Jesus was known to cut a rug.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        You're damn right.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous
  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Forgot to add, the thing you ask for / manifest won't usually be dropped into your lap. A door will open that will give you an opportunity, but will always involve action on your part. For example, in above post with caring for an end-life parent, fulfillment won't come with a guy knocking on your door with 10 million dollars. It might come as a work at home opportunity, or a sudden business idea. I recently lost my job, and in the same day had a recruiter call me out of the blue for a job that I never even applied to, offering me an interview for a job that paid 3 times the one I just got canned at. Same. Fricking. Day. They hired me, but I still had to interview twice and do my part to get the job.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    *bang bang* GIVE ME LOTS OF MONEEEEEEY *hop hop* *bang bang*
    *bang bang* GIVE ME A QT GF *hop hop* *bang bang*
    those who only have Jesus in this life are most to be pitied. -Paul
    you think too materialistic

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous
  15. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I pray to Lucifer the true god of this realm and he always answers my prayers.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      what do you ask him for?

  16. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Or, realize religion is not real and stop wasting time on it

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      the only REAL religion is MY religion

      "And those who did not believe in the truth were cast into the fire" - The Bible (probably)

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