I am afraid

I have been pushing others away for most of my life. I fought for pic related, and now that I have it, I am terrified because there is no going back.
I somehow felt there would be someone here for me, or there would be others like me here ..there is not.
What have I done?

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  1. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    You fought for a gritted driveway?

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      For me I live in isolation, chat online. Most people are interested in status, money, attention and degrading everyone.
      I tend to stay out of the mess

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I usually start drinking myself to death if I have to be around people so I keep to solitude as well so I remain sober and stable.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Yes, most people are toxic and parasitic. Being alone is actually a gift and not a curse.
          To many fake people, that are just toxic nowadays

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I'm like you, OP, and I've been told by normies that I haven't really missed out on anything, that it's all fake shit anyway. NEETing since 2016 and usually I don't leave my house for months.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          I have been told the same thing, basically a circle of drama.
          im actually happy,

  2. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Most people today have problems, everyone has problems. Most people back stab and are fake.
    What you may think as a cold lonely road, maybe better then the dead end relationship, that requires open relationship to stay together.

  3. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Of course there are people like you. But I'm living down at the end of my long gravel driveway. Like you, I've recently come to believe I've made a mistake. You can walk down to the other end of the gravel driveway too anon.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      after 25 years i don't think it's possible

      Same here, I don't want to be around others I don't want to go to parties I don't want to socialize I was relieved when my best friend finally stopped contacting me, and I try to avoid building "friendships" where the other person expects me to contact them like a normal human, I can't tell my cousins to directly frick off so I politely just ignore them, I don't work that way, but at the same time I feel like I am missing something like I seek some type of friend that doesn't exist, my worldview is wildly different to most people so I don't enjoy their company, It's also probably because I am still single so that will fill the void later on if I make it first then get married.

      do you think your wish for solitude stems from abuse of some kind or it's just your natural inclination?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        well both, it's somewhat genetic because my dad and his father were both abusive(my dad almost killed me) he was also apathetic to me maybe he was different first but it went downhill since he became severely ill and he was not very social he is worse than me at socializing, I never met grandpa but from photos of him and the little information I managed to get out of my dad about him he was very successful and intelligent man(I was told he threw my dad when he was a child into a well apparently), maybe I am imitating my dad I don't know but I don't want to repeat the mistakes of my ancestors so I'm taking things very slowly and it's paying off, isolating myself has turned my life from hell into bless and I'm not sure I want to go back to hell.

        I've discovered many things about myself that changed my attitude and even helped me stabilize and be normal, I'm 23 and you probably can't tell that I am insane if we talked or were friends but there is something inside me that I never revealed to anyone due to social religious repercussions or other reasons and I'm used to doing that and some people pick up on it unconsciously which makes me uncomfortable and leads me to avoid these situations, on the other hand I was very "protected" as a child, in my first few years I lived around my family uncles aunts grandma in a village but barely met any children before going to school so that probably slightly screwed me, at the same time I was socially adept at 4 years old I remember being very social but something happened after that which I don't remember maybe traumatic and I turned 180.

        sorry for info dumping but it's too complicated to put in simple words.

        https://i.imgur.com/3iz5dMz.jpg

        >It's also probably because I am still single so that will fill the void later on if I make it first then get married.
        Just get a dog and save yourself the women trouble. All they care about is food and shelter and best of all they don't talk.

        I've been wanting to get a doberman for a few years just don't have the resources or space at the moment, it will happen eventually, that's good advice.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          >sorry for info dumping but it's too complicated to put in simple words.
          don't be sorry, your story helped me understand things about myself.
          >I'm 23
          anon..there is still time, don't mess about.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            still time to do what exactly? I don't think there is any time left for me to change, it's too late to be a social butterfly for me that is something taught in the childhood, I was wired to enjoy sitting in front of a computer in isolation that's bless for me and I don't even want to change it, if I did I don't know what would happen, imagine not having access to worldwide knowledge 24/7 that's terrifying for me, I know because I went through it for a few months, dancing and chatting with people that's boring to me.

            The internet feels blissful and I don't want to change this is the best feeling I've ever felt, sitting in front of my monitor talking to random strangers online while isolated, I feel content I feel calm I feel... happy. the only issue I have is that dreadful feeling you get when you notice you are too alone, I am lucky not to be too alone I have my family my mom and sisters I am healthy but there is this dreadful feeling that this will eventually change I could become ill at any moment and it's over for me, I fear weakness because I live amongst a society of hyenas they will devour me at the first chance, I fear the same for my family and I can't help them at every step of the way I avoid thinking about all this all by turning on my PC and closing my room and I am transported into this other world where I can be myself without limits or social rules, I thrive in this environment and I do not want to be any more "normal".

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            I enjoy Internet and it's easy to find people like myself from all over, as where I live there I wouldn't be able to find them.
            I enjoy window shopping, no being pressured to be someone I'm not or an entertainer for a circle of people that only understand what they want.
            Sometimes I don't even go on the Internet for months, then sometimes I'm on it all the time.
            I enjoy my identity, my privacy, the are to many hypocrites in the world, they say one thing and do something else.
            It seems like the culture is parasitic

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            yeah I don't know what's up but I know this society is not healthy there is something deeply wrong with it, this is why I avoid it at all costs.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            People are on this anti-isolation campaign now and it's the opposite of what I like. Very annoying.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >still time to do what exactly?
            you speak beyond your years, but not in a positive way if that makes sense.
            Everything you say may be true, but you still have time to take another road at 23, it will be chronologically impossible later

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        >after 25 years i don't think it's possible

        You may well be right about that. I haven't jumped right over to the other side, but I have cut it down the middle somewhat. I still enjoy a solitary existence for the most part, but I'm not a total anti-social anymore either. I go place and do things with people now, but at the end of the day, yes I want to go home and be alone.

        Same here, I don't want to be around others I don't want to go to parties I don't want to socialize I was relieved when my best friend finally stopped contacting me, and I try to avoid building "friendships" where the other person expects me to contact them like a normal human, I can't tell my cousins to directly frick off so I politely just ignore them, I don't work that way, but at the same time I feel like I am missing something like I seek some type of friend that doesn't exist, my worldview is wildly different to most people so I don't enjoy their company, It's also probably because I am still single so that will fill the void later on if I make it first then get married.

        Like this anon, there's nobody else on earth like me. I don't live the way most people do, I don't believe what they believe, don't value anything they value. But I no longer see it as a reason to have no contact with them whatsoever, as I once did.

  4. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Same here, I don't want to be around others I don't want to go to parties I don't want to socialize I was relieved when my best friend finally stopped contacting me, and I try to avoid building "friendships" where the other person expects me to contact them like a normal human, I can't tell my cousins to directly frick off so I politely just ignore them, I don't work that way, but at the same time I feel like I am missing something like I seek some type of friend that doesn't exist, my worldview is wildly different to most people so I don't enjoy their company, It's also probably because I am still single so that will fill the void later on if I make it first then get married.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      >It's also probably because I am still single so that will fill the void later on if I make it first then get married.
      Just get a dog and save yourself the women trouble. All they care about is food and shelter and best of all they don't talk.

  5. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    I get it
    I am just so entirely alone
    Before when the good spirits were with me it was okay, I was happy. I didn't nee people, I was a happy nomad bushman

    Ended up getting cursed somehow, then a portal to hell or someshit opened, now my nice happy ending of being a nomadic happy schiz til my deathbad is replaced by a horrifying future of complete isolation and demonic harassment.

    I wish somebody would fricking shoot me. I

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      You don't have to go on like that forever anon. Nobody is forcing you to do it.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        Yes I am being forced to "do it", you insufferable fake-feelgood federal frickwit.
        You don't know my life, so frick off.

        • 1 month ago
          Anonymous

          Nta, but I know how you feel anon. I have been like you, and have had definite trauma in my life to push me towards isolation. It's going to be a lonely path, your ego will do anything to desperately get you to cling back to society. There are bigger truths for you when you walk the thin line forward. Start meditating in your isolation, read some books, listen to divine music, start your journey. Do not be afraid.

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            >Nta, but I know how you feel anon. I have been like you, and have had definite trauma in my life to push me towards isolation. It's going to be a lonely path, your ego will do anything to desperately get you to cling back to society. There are bigger truths for you when you walk the thin line forward. Start meditating in your isolation, read some books, listen to divine music, start your journey. Do not be afraid.
            thanks for the encouragement anon. Good luck. Frick the false ego

          • 1 month ago
            Anonymous

            Agreed my friend, I wish you all the best, and appreciate your good wishes.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Those could be angles harassing you, and a curse would be doing things because of society and not for yourself.

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        angels or demons idc mean, I want the fairies and fluffy animals and incomprehensible 200000yrold nature spirits back.

  6. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    [...]

    Explain this

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      is it a blood test?

      • 1 month ago
        Anonymous

        I can't read Russian dude, it seems like a /thread if the poster is unwilling to explain.

  7. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Maybe some people just turn out so traumatized avoidance is easier than reoffending old wounds that never really healed.

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Ya think? The answer simply is, yes. Being alone is liberating, and you can truly be who you want to be with no bounds, it is your world. Do with it what you want

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous

      Everyone literally just fricked off for no reason in my life. I think they realised how much trauma I was carrying

  8. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    That path is not a choice. It's a calling. Hope I get called into the wilderness one day.

  9. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    OP here, maybe I just have buyers remorse on an all final sale.
    I need to stop asking questions i already know the answer to

  10. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    two more weeks

    • 1 month ago
      Anonymous
  11. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Same anon.

    "The way that you wander, is the way that you choose"
    -Jeremiah Johnson

  12. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    There are others like you here. It's a lonly road you must travel but the journy is worth it. Not many are willing to travel these desolate roads.

  13. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    Posting this here again I'm guessing it's the same OP

    [...]

    I am not looking for dating though. I said men are out of the question

  14. 1 month ago
    Anonymous

    It is a harsh path. We die upon it never seeing the end. However, we see things on regular occasion that others never even imagine in their entire lives, and it is by virtue of this path. Eat, or be eaten.

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