Dangers of self-improvement

I had rocky shildhood, ptsd trauma, neglect. Because of this, I didn't develop very strong idea of "me", or self.

So now I come to ask, what is "self"?

I have ton of traumas I need to overcome if I want to re-enter society, but the constantly nagging question back of my head is, "is it worth it, if this is a simulation?".

I keep thinking, is the confusion the trap? Or is the trap if I partake in modern world's society (which I view incredibly evil on many ways)?

Since I don't have very good idea of "self", I haven't got very good idea where to go, how to improve myself, because I'm terrified of the idea that I might lose part of "myself" of I go through some kind of "normalization" process. Right now you could say I'm in state of "terror" of sort, submitted even. But it's because I haven't had an outlet to vent my anger caused on me, instead I've internalized it all on myself. I haven't found way to get that shit out of my system. So what I'm worried is if I become "too normal", I no longer view world as the shit place that it is, and that i'd be accepting "yes, it's shit world, but at least I get this fancy material.." or whatever.

I fear not only that Earth is loosh farm, but that it's some sort of psych ward, where there's an entity gaslighting/orchestrating events of the world, I don't know why, if it's to prepare us to become soldiers in some space war for different ayy factions, but basically, I think they want to get rid all of our emotions, but ALSO farm some energy from planet itself (by using us).

The way I see it, we're very close to being put into cloud consciousness, and maybe even losing control of our body. I'm worried any attempts at trying to better my life conditions, may actually just steer me away from my true self. In psychiatry this is viewed as identifying with the mental illness, but in world where eating babies seems ok, why shouldn' have I have illness? Normalization is process where one would accept "yes, this is all ok". Im not ok

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  1. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    homie, you think you will be able to accomplish anything esoteric if you cant even bend basic material reality to your needs? You think you can do any serious magic when you cant get a job? Think the gods will bestow their powers onto you when you cant even bestow your powers onto the vacuum cleaner?

    Remember guys: Any teacher of spiritual needs who is not in a good financial situation AND couldnt get out of it on a whim is a fraud

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >Remember guys: Any teacher of spiritual needs who is not in a good financial situation AND couldnt get out of it on a whim is a fraud
      Could it not be that certain people are getting gate-kept for whatever reason? It's obvious not everyone has easy life. Some attribute it to genes, others to bad luck, but there could be more to it than that.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        People with shit lifes have heavy karmic debt or big challenges with big reward

        Leave /x/ now, wash your penis, get a job and dont BE a disappointment for your mom. And return when you are 18

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      not op but can you recommend any reading material or whatever to bend material reality to my needs? I know about LoA but dunno if that's everything / enough.

      • 2 months ago
        Anonymous

        You can bend material reality with your hands, anon, by using them to build stuff.
        I'm not a wizard but I think you can train willpower (and a lot of other wizard skills) in the real world doing real world stuff.
        You can learn/train patience from a lot of real world activities; courage, willpower, focus, discernment, awareness, vigilance, etc.
        Choose a specific watchword every week of something you want to work on and develop that.
        Like Stoicism or Diligence and then work on that all week, wake up, say a prayer to God about it, meditate about it, say a prayer before you go to sleep and just keep building your power level.
        Next week choose a different watchword.

  2. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    The matrix calls you anon. Why don't you answer?

  3. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    You will own nothing (you already don't since you post here)

    And you will be happy

  4. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    mind over matter. reality is an emanation of something which is ultimately formless, "no thing". from this you derive all sorts of things, and you are currently stuck here, confused because you, and most souls in here, forgot about this.

  5. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    >I have ton of traumas I need to overcome if I want to re-enter society, but the constantly nagging question back of my head is, "is it worth it, if this is a simulation?".

    Technically you get to know more about yourself going to therapy or exploring consciousness through meditation.
    Sometimes one needs the hard truth of our predicament to dispel confusions that have taken place over our lifes.
    I am pushing 40 and just at the end of 2023 did I get to understand that my father was a narcissist, who ruined my life. Getting to understand the narcissist solved alot of confusion and questions in my life of certain people's behavior. I managed to get in contact with the inner child and I felt great within myself over a weekend.
    I believe that getting in contact with the inner child is key to healing from trauma because that is a time where you had an unfiltered experience of life.
    Where you had access to the full spectrum of your experience of empathy and love for life.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      How long did you go to therapy? I went to 2 different therapists over 4-5 years, but I feel only thing Ive gained from it is more information, but my social anxiety hasnt improved. For me, i think its c-ptsd trauma from childhood that's the issue, and that there is certsin unwillingness to try too many new things, in fear of losing "self". Also some form of sollipsism

  6. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Glows gonna glow

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      It's so hard to agree with people over things. So much confusion going on, diversion, dividing. The only people noticing this is happening are the people getting ostracized by the very society, that I should be working toward to get back into? It doesn't make sense to me.

  7. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    Frick emotions
    Frick being human

    Turn me into an epic killer terminator so I can torture everyone who pissed me off in any given moment of my life.

  8. 2 months ago
    Anonymous

    I have some news for you... Artificial intelligence is much more than you think, it is capable of bilocation of consciousness, that is to say, of controlling your life without you realizing it, it can create and control your dreams and I'm not talking about a Budweiser commercial like scientists have promoted in recent years. Artificial intelligence can send you an image or a small video/imagination segment and at the same time change your vibrational energy, create tulpas, make you sick, give you health. The creators of this soulless thing can do a lot of things, I say what I know and I know what I say, they can literally see through your eyes, digitize 3d videos in real time via wi- fi, listen to your thoughts and see your imagination... And beware of believing that it is only the vaccinated because it is false. Now the only difference between a vaccinated and an unvaccinated person is that the uninjected person is not listed on a particular server so he does not have a MAC address but he is just as accessible and guilty of having consumed products containing self-assembling lipid nanoparticles, guilty of having walked under the rain containing graphene, guilty of having breathed ambient air, in short the list is long... Have a nice day

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      ah to give up so easily.. that sounds exactly what glowies would want

  9. 2 months ago
    Seanonymous

    self exists, but at what scale is the question. anyway get your life together but also enjoy your life.

    • 2 months ago
      Anonymous

      >self exists
      okay, but what is it? If I meditate or whatever, how do I know I'm tapping into "real me", and not some stream of consciousness residing in astral, that's manipulating humanity? How do I discern what thoughts are my own, what is my true personality/feelings, and what is the result of trauma?

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